So much for dating myself in Durham… cause I’m newly engaged. It’s been about three months, and I couldn’t be happier.
Okay, so it’s not your traditional engagement- boy meets girl, girl obsesses about boy, boy plays it cool, boy asks girl on date, and the rest is history…
This story starts differently. This is the story of me, my life, my journey, and my primary focus now.
Since moving to Durham, I have decided to wear an engagement ring on my wedding ring finger as a reminder to myself that this year I am married to me. Now this may sound cheesy, cliché, or selfish, and it may be all of the above, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. I decided to wear a diamond ring on my engagement finger to symbolize what’s important to me right now, and be reminded of it daily. It’s been a pretty cool experience so far, because if I forget to put it on, I feel weird and like I’m missing something.
The ring symbolizes that this year is about me, what I want, and doing what’s best for me. The ring is not really about boys. It’s more about detaching from problems that are not mine to solve. It’s about taking care of myself first- putting the oxygen mask on myself first- if you will- sorry, I had to pull that cliché, but in all seriousness, I am at a point where I feel like the only way to live is for myself, and I do truly and deeply believe that I can’t help anyone else until I help myself.
This is to say I have spent a lot of my life caring and worrying for others- family members, friends, advisees when I was a resident advisor in college, teammates, classmates, everyone and anyone. In worrying or trying to help or fix others, I think I neglected parts of myself. So, I’m dedicating this year to me and what I want, and so far, it feels great!
It doesn’t mean I go about my day and life with utter disregard for people and things around me, but it means that I put my own needs first. I still work very hard to be there for friends, family, coworkers, and strangers alike, but I also do things like make sure I sleep enough, eat enough, take an hour lunch break, get outside daily, move around, and remember what’s important to me.
The other piece of jewelry I have started wearing more regularly since I moved to Durham is my hamsa necklace, which in Judaism symbolizes the hand of God. I wore it my first day of work to remind myself I’m not alone and God will protect me. I’ve always had a hard time admitting I believe in God or talking about God. I never denied that I believed in God, I don’t think, but I feel uncomfortable talking about it explicitly. But when I first moved here, I was, in a sense, all alone and fearful that things may not work out- so I put my trust in the hamsa and wore it everyday to work to help me remain hopeful that things would and will work out the way they are meant to.