When I was about three years old, my Mom and I were driving through town, and we passed a statue.
I said, “Is that God?”
My Mom responded, “Why?”
To which I said, “Because I need to talk to God. I need to tell God I don’t want to have kids.“
My Mom again asked, “Why?”
And I plainly said, “Because they are too much work.”
I think I had a lot of insight and foresight for such a young age, if I do say so myself. I have stuck by this belief pretty fervently. But strange things are starting to happen…
Since I moved to Durham, I have become really tuned into all of the dogs around me as I very much miss my family’s dog and moving to a new place can be lonely at times. I’d love a furry companion to hang with, run with, and go on other adventures with. But deep down, I know I don’t have the time or money for a friendly furry little man or lady.
The next strange thing to happen for me was a yearning and longing for a human companion. Say what?!?!! Yes, like a man. This one really threw me for a loop. It took me off guard and by surprise as well. I even developed a crush and lost my appetite and sleep over him. That has NEVER happened to me before. It was upsetting, painful, but also a bit refreshing and exhilarating. It was pretty short-lived and mostly took place in the confines of my mind, but it helped me see and feel I am human and have feelings. What a concept.
Now, this next thing may be the strangest of all. A week ago, my boss whose been on maternity leave brought her 6 week old baby girl into the office. I melted… my voice changed to an irritating high pitch whenever I interacted with the baby, and I couldn’t control it. It was like an out of body experience: I could see what I was doing and that I disapproved, but I couldn’t help myself- I was falling for this baby girl and though I kind of detest talking to babies and animals in a high squeaky voice- there I was doing it. WTF? Now, here’s the strangest part of it all – then the thought came to me, “Hhhm, maybe I’d like to have a baby one day.” Seriously, wtf and off I went with my fury companion, human companion, and baby in toe. I was floored.