Back to dating…
I’m conflicted. I haven’t shared it on the blog and one of the things I’ve been holding back is that a guy I was dating for about a month recently broke up with me. I have not shared that because he did not want to be another guy on the blog that “broke my heart.” I don’t know that any of the guys on this blog have really broken my heart. They have all disappointed me.
The exception this time was that I really liked this guy, and I didn’t break up with him. I still have good feelings towards him, and I don’t want to share this because I don’t want this to spark anything between him and I, but I also want to share how I feel and stop bottling it all up.
That is what makes social media so hard… Like in the olden days, I’d just write it in my diary, and him and I would never have to see each other or know about each other as long as we lived, but now, we can both continue to keep tabs on each other if we so desire.
I still feel like I don’t want to share because one of the things I have said I don’t want to do is act like we are in high school and communicate with each other through “AIM away messages” or “song lyrics” we post in our Facebook statuses.
But here I am doing exactly the opposite… writing about my feelings publicly and sharing the songs I am listening to that are currently touching me… which leads me to another blog post I have not posted, which is about how feelings change. How I or someone else feels one moment could be the complete opposite feeling a moment later. Thus, I try to take what others say with as much of a grain of salt as I can… as what they say they are feeling in one moment may or may not be true in the next.
So, I waiver in and out of thinking about him amidst swimming through the see of men on Tinder. I have connected with a few of them that I like and would like to meet. A part of me wants to move forward, but then another part of me has a hard time with this. Mostly, the me that wakes up and goes to sleep has a hard time moving forward, but the me during the day is slowly putting one step in front of the other.
Day 9 of 365 over & out!
Photo Credit: Mark Williams and Sara HIrakawa for Variety