In yesterday’s post, I said
I still feel like I don’t want to share because one of the things I have said I don’t want to do is act like we [the guy that broke up with me and I] are in high school and communicate with each other through “AIM away messages” or “song lyrics” we post in our statuses on Facebook.
But here I am doing exactly the opposite… writing about my feelings publicly and sharing the songs I am listening to that are currently touching me… which leads me to another blog post I have not posted, which is about how feelings change. How I or someone else feels one moment could be the complete opposite feeling a moment later. Thus, I try to take what others say with as much of a grain of salt as I can… as what they say they are feeling in one moment may or may not be true in the next.
My thoughts today are: I still feel the same about using social media to communicate like high schoolers. I just am acting differently than how I am feeling, which leads me to another point, which is that “feelings are not facts” and “feelings are not necessarily right or wrong …or good or bad.”
I just know that I have a lot of posts sitting in my drafts right now, and I am tired of holding back, as part of my challenge with creating content is how much of myself to share and put into it.
Today, I posted a makeup tutorial and talked about how I don’t like to use makeup to hide my acne or imperfections or flaws or blemishes, but in the same breath, I also said I use makeup to hid how I am really feeling. This is to say that if I am feeling really badly, I usually dress up and wear makeup in an attempt to trick myself into feeling better and having a good day. So, clearly I am conflicted about my hiding, authenticity, and genuineness. My goal is always to be authentic, genuine, and honest, and I think I do a pretty good job at that, but I also try to balance that authenticity and genuineness with boundaries, i.e. learning that not everyone needs to know everything about me… or do they? 😉 I think my goal in all of this is to inspire others in some way and to in some ways, “turn myself in.” So in some ways, I am a fraud and hid my feelings behind makeup and in other ways, I let it all hang out by not covering my every blemish with cover up….
Bonus content for Day 10 of 365… hip hip hooray!! 🎉