What this means to me is I feel often people think they are much stranger than they actually are. I think people hold back a lot of themselves for fear of not being accepted or being seen as strange, when in my opinion, the reality of it is that most of us are not actually that strange- we are merely human.
My aim is to inspire people with my words and creations with the hope that maybe they will open up a bit more and be more authentic and true to themselves instead of hiding behind a facade.
Most days I get positive feedback from people saying that they enjoy what I’m doing or find it inspiring, but today I woke up to a series of long winded texts and a missed call from someone whom I have deeply hurt with my words. So, I am taking this all in and thinking about what it all means.
This makes me question what I am doing, what I am sharing, why I am sharing it, my intentions, and my goals. What sucks is even if my intentions are good or noble, my actions and words could have negative and hurtful consequences. It seems that they have, as I hurt someone I care deeply about. I share about myself and such personal experiences to show others they are not as strange as they think they are. I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about some of what I share, but I share it in an effort to show others that what you see on my Facebook and Instagram feed is not the whole story. I’m not always smiling and happy. I have hard times. I’m not always strong and put together, which people who interact with me in my daily life know, but I imagine from my online persona and social media profiles, my life looks pretty good.
I feel bad for hurting the person whom I wrote about in my blog and have gone back and read everything and completely understand why the person is hurt and upset, but I don’t think I am going to delete the posts, which I am conflicted about. I know the posts are not just about me, but my point in writing them is to show something about me and to help empower other women who may be having difficulties or challenges with dating. It’s hard to date or live without worrying what others will think of you. So, I share my experiences to show more of the gray areas of life that don’t always get addressed or discussed like how to handle, process, or think about when someone does not treat you the way you want to be treated.
I also write in the moment and from my perspective, and as I have said, from one moment to the next, feelings change. So, I could write a post one day and feel all the feelings I am writing in that moment that day, and the next moment or day, those words may no longer ring true to me.
Since hearing that my words hurt someone, I have also now thought about putting some sort of disclaimer on my blog or the posts that include other people to say something like, “Disclaimer: This post might as well be fiction as it is just one side of the story and told solely from my perspective. The other people in this story may have completely different perspectives. Please also note that I write the way I see things, which is not always reality or in congruence with how others see the same situation.”
Photo Credit: Ezra Farber