Day 19 of 365

I don’t want to write.  I don’t want to make a video. I don’t want to go live.

I don’t really want to do anything but sleep.

I’m emotionally and physically exhausted.

I slept most of today in between binge watching different series on Netflix.

I didn’t really eat much today and slept the day away.

I did not leave my house today.

I had plans and slept through them all.

I feel tired.

I feel tired and sad.

I feel dramatic.

I feel lonely.

I don’t want to publish this because I don’t want to publicize this side of me.

The side of me that sleeps entire days away and can’t really deal with her emotions or feelings.

I hate that the internet is public and yet, I love it. I love the power it has to change the world and to change people’s minds.

Two of my favorite examples of this are a 15 minute video put out by Buzzfeed that when I finished watching it on Facebook, I felt a shift in my mind and the way I see certain things, and the other is an e-mail that raised over $2.5 million. These two pieces of content, to me, exemplify, the power of going public. The video is a very private, intimate, and somewhat controversial as there are people who deny all of the things the woman in the video describes happening to her. The e-mail shows the power of one e-mail. I have not raised $2.5 million with one e-mail, but I have had about 20 people respond to one of my e-mails offering support and words of encouragement.

Some other interesting content I have been consuming via the web recently is a Netflix series called “Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On.” I rarely watch content like this. It is a documentary series on Netflix about how the explosion of the internet has affected different people.

It examines the pornography industry, online dating, apps, romance, and more. It is interesting, especially in light of my thinking about my own inner DISRUPT-HER. The women featured in the few episodes I watched are working to change the way women are viewed and treated in the porn industry. I’m not endorsing or not endorsing what they are doing; I just found it interesting, provocative, and thought provoking. One woman I found particularly interesting is Suze Randall.

I really admire people, particularly woman, who go against the grain and break the rules in order to make a positive impact or change a system. The porn industry, from what I understand, is still wrought with a lot of fucked up shit, and maybe the porn industry isn’t the best example or maybe it is… I’m not sure, but it’s inspiring to see women trying to make a difference in a male dominated industry that is mostly made by and for men’s enjoyment. So, watching people like Suze Randall, Holly Randall, and Erica Lust work to change this system to empower women and others about their sexuality is inspiring to me.

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