I have a lot on my mind and don’t know where to start…
It seems I often start with I don’t really want to write this… or it’s day 23 of my 365 day challenge, and I don’t want to do it… that feeling has not changed today, which makes it all the more important that I do this. #selfdiscipline #hustle
I think part of me feels conflicted about this blog and what I want (in general & in life) and what I want to do with this blog. Originally, this blog was intended as a place for me to write about my moving to Durham and the adventures I took myself on here. It was to chronicle all things Durham, but now it has morphed into more of an exploration of self.
This blog also went through a “dating other people “phase, where I talked more about what it was like dating people other than myself. That segment also seemed to lose the Durham focus and was more centered on relationships and self-exploration.
I put the two quotes above because I found them in my iPhoto library today, and the first image was screenshoted on November 24, 2016 from DoSomething.org’s Facebook feed and the second was screenshoted November 26, 2016.
It frustrates me when I see things like this as I feel I have not progressed at all, which is not accurate, but it’s how I feel. I feel I am in a similar space to the space I was in, over a year ago, which is I am unhappy. I am unhappy with what I currently have and have trouble creating space and being patient in getting to where I want to be.
I have lots of ideas swirling in my head, and it’s challenging for me to articulate them and even more challenging for me to articulate them with confidence. I’ve been feeling exhausted for weeks, and I thought it was depression or me physically doing too much, but recently, I have come to believe it’s because my brain is on overload with thoughts, ideas, inspiration, visions that never see the light of day, and it’s exhausting- the anxiety, fear, emotions, worrying what others think or will say… it’s physically and mentally draining and takes a very large toll on my body.
I’m also thinking about the fact that I started sharing my blog by word of mouth this week and saw a spike in my stats.
But this also makes me think what am I doing? I am grappling with if the title of this blog “Dating Myself in Durham” still accurately describes the subject matter of this blog. I think it does, but the subject matter has changed. I’d like to think my target audience is probably millennial women as they seem to be the people I most relate to and who most relate to me, i.e. we are going through similar life experiences with dating, careers, money management, personal growth and development, technology, online dating, men, and more.
I’m also thinking about a young woman I met at a gym recently who wears a wedding ring when she exercises even though she is not married. She does this because men used to hit on her in ways that were uncomfortable and inappropriate. Once she started wearing the ring, it stopped. I connected with her because I wore an engagement ring for a year on my wedding finger and that was part of what I blogged about. So, all of this makes me question the content of the blog as well. Is the goal
- to be Durham centric?
- solo, single millennial women centric
- women’s rights and the way men violate them centric – a discussion and personal experiences and insights from myself and others
- Interview all the men I have dated/have them write a blog post about me to flip the table and see what they thought and also to put the other side of the story next to mine
- Start a new blog, where I feature other people’s stories (about dating in Durham or networking in Durham or the entrepreneurial culture in Durham) or simply sharing stories I feel deserve to be shared from people I interact with in my every day life- so a sort of oral history of people I find interesting, inspiring, and have something to say that’s worth sharing…
- Can this one blog house all of these things?
- Do I need a separate space for my 365 day challenge? A new blog, or page, or portfolio, or website…
So, there you have it folks, a lot is on my mind and has been for over a year… So, I’m slowly sorting through it and doing my best to create more space for this part of me.
Feel free to share your thoughts on my questions and ideas for this blog below. I’d love to hear what you think and what you’d like to see from this blog.
If you have ideas different from the ones I listed above, please feel free to share those as well.