Creating Space

A theme that has been in my head for a while is “creating space-” literally, figuratively, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I feel to be open to more experiences, people, relationships, opportunities, etc., I need to create space for these things to occur or manifest or be welcomed into my life.

As an adolescent, I used to move furniture around my bedroom and throughout the house. I think this was my coping mechanism for feeling anxious or out of control. If I could just get everything in the right spot, things would be okay. Moving furniture was somehow very soothing and probably distracting for me. Instead of dealing with whatever was actually going on, I was arguing with my mom about my moving furniture as she was not too keen on this habit of mine.

I’m sharing all of this as a couple of months ago, I started moving furniture around my studio apartment. This is the first time in quite a long time I have done this. I didn’t move furniture in college or post-college that I recall. It started with my moving a dresser that kind of blocked my bed/ made it hard to get to my bed. The night I did this I had nightmares that someone broke into my childhood home and I was all alone in the house.

For me, I think moving furniture is something really symbolic for me. I didn’t realize it at first this time, but I think my goal was to create more space in my apartment and also to break down some of the walls I build to stop others from getting in. I think I tend to keep myself pretty guarded from others, and don’t let too many people in.

With dating, I seem to always get hurt and seem to let people in too quickly, only to find out they are not what or who I thought they were.

With friendships, it takes me time to be my full authentic self.

I’m not even quite sure I let myself be my full authentic self with myself all by myself.

A couple of weeks ago, I moved a table that was in my apartment outside of my apartment to create more space in my apartment. I also bought a rolling rack and took clothes out of my closet to loosen things up as I could barely move the hangers in my closet to see what was in my closet.

I’m not sure what I am creating space for… but I feel myself doing it physically with furniture in my apartment. I am working on creating space in my mind as well- that has proven to be more challenging as I often get in my own way by overthinking things or being negative or by sabotaging my own efforts.

I also think my 365 day challenge has been an effort to create space for my creativity and for myself- to create space for me to “create.”

I type this all on my phone from a Hanukkah party at a bar because today is day 26 of 365, and if I don’t do this now, I don’t see me creating content today.

So there you have it- although not always perfect, I am working very hard to create more space in my life to open myself up to new opportunities, experiences, and things beyond my wildest dreams.

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