I am continuing to go through all of the stuff I have in my parents’ house that belongs to me in an attempt to get rid of most of it- either donating it or consigning it.
This is not an easy task, especially growing up in a culture, society, and family that values material possessions, encourages consumerism, and in some ways supports hoarding.
I found a business card today that my Mom got while in a nail salon in Fanwood, NJ my senior year in high school (2008) that ultimately helped land me my internship at Nicole Miller. It was for a pattern maker she met at the nail salon. That describes some of the type of stuff I am finding; it feels as though I have not gotten rid of anything EVER.
This is my Bat Mitzvah dress from when I was 13 years old. This is very hard for me to part with as I love this dress, but…
- It does not zip
- I want to donate it to someone
- Although it looks great and I feel great in it- the truth is not great.
On my Bat Mitzvah day, I ended up throwing up on it in the bathroom the night of my party because I had not eaten all day and had been super anxious and nervous.
( I cut a lot of what I wrote out of this post… hence, where the following tangent and these feelings come from. I cut stuff that would almost certainly hurt someone I really care about – a family member.)
I feel embarrassed and ashamed of how I feel, what I feel, what I think, and what I post. I feel embarrassed, ashamed and guilty that I sometimes make others that I write about, including myself, look like villains or terrible people.
I do all of this in an attempt to create and express myself and hopefully touch or inspire someone else who is feeling ashamed or embarrassed of their thoughts or feelings- maybe you’ll relate and think, “I feel exactly the same way or know exactly what she is talking about” or maybe you’ll think, “at least I’m not as crazy or bad or spoiled or self-absorbed as Taylor.”- whatever you think, I hope what I create makes you think and maybe even gives you a new perspective on something.
I have A LOT to say on this topic of stuff, what to keep, what to get rid of, and all of the mixed feelings, emotions, and memories that come up with material possessions.
To give you some perspective on the amount of crap I’ve accumulated…
I have clothes, friendship bracelets from people I don’t talk to anymore or have lost touch with, past job swag, student i.d.s, backpacks, sweatshirts, handbags, socks, tights, shoe laces, jewelry, a camelbak, business cards, money, checks, gift cards, wallets, wristlets, pants, leggings, dresses, prom dresses, shoes, dress shoes, sandals, snow boots, flip flops, books, notebooks, DVDs, CDs, Cassette tapes, VHS Tapes, home videos, yearbooks, my high school and college diploma, the ticket to my high school graduation, pictures, photo albums, old school work…
What’s incredible about each of these things are the memories or feelings that they elicit. Here are some examples:
My high school year books- I have no desire to keep them, but I did an informal poll on Facebook and Instagram as to whether or not I should keep them, and so far, the results have been a unanimous “keep them.” Why?
- Funny memories
- To give my unborn children context of where I come from
- I can never get them back
- Fun to look back on
My feelings are I never look at them, they weigh about 50lbs, I don’t really want or have space for them in my studio apartment, and I don’t want to keep making my parents move them. I don’t keep in touch with most people from high school. I don’t have awful memories from high school, but I also don’t have the sunniest and happiest of memories either.
I also feel I made the decisions to donate all of my t-shirts from sleep away camp, day camp, high school, college, sports, historic events, concerts, etc. as I don’t need these to remember these events, and even if I do need them to remember, they take up space, I don’t wear them, and I don’t want them anymore.
I am serious about lightening my load and creating more space. I don’t want to be a hoarder and hang on to everything- good and bad. I want to let go and be able to move forward and through life more fluidly…
That’s all for day 38 of 365.