I Messed Up

I fell asleep last night before posting my content for day 45 of 365. Instead of beating myself up, which I have already done. I am going to move forward because part of the idea behind doing this challenge was to test myself to see if I had the self-discipline to do something every single day. I could just stop now because of the shame I feel for letting myself down, but instead, I will move forward as such is life- it’s not perfect- I fall, and today, I am choosing to get back up and keep moving forward.

Emotionally, I have not been feeling well for some time, and I’d like to think what I am doing or not doing is productive for my well-being, but I’m not so sure it is. So, I’ll just share some of what’s going on in an effort for me to chronicle my own journey with emotional well-being and mental health.

I had the pleasure of spending a day with a professional actor/singer/dancer this week, and I was very impressed by the level of care, attention, and respect with which this person gave to their body. Everywhere we went this person was very conscientious about bundling up to protect his body, skin, and vocal chords from the very cold weather. This person also opted out of attending a social event to ensure he got the rest he needed and was not out in the cold night’s air. Additionally, this person made sure to exercise, eat healthy, and take his vitamins every day. This was done in an attempt to do everything in his power to stay healthy and not get sick.

This made me think about how I often don’t treat my body with that level of care, attention, and respect. I tend to over or under do things regarding my health- under or over sleeping, under or over eating, under or over scheduling myself. I’ve struggled with balance for as long as I can remember, dating as far back as sixth grade. So, here I am essentially doing the thing I said I would not… beating myself up for the ways I feel I don’t measure up or the ways in which I let myself or others down. I tend to beat myself up by comparing myself to others and being upset or frustrated by what it is that I feel I lack.

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