“What I know for sure is speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have”
I saw this quote this afternoon posted with a video by OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network of Oprah Winfrey’s acceptance speech at the Golden Globes last night.
It made me think of my constant struggle with creating content every day, and actually, just living life lol. The constant struggle is how much of my truth do I share or not share?
I don’t want to use this excuse… but here it is anyway: it’s hard to share your truth when you are not Oprah Winfrey…. but one of the ways Oprah got to where she is today is by sharing her truth and shedding light on that of others.
She helped people on her talk show feel comfortable revealing things they would never have imagined telling anyone, much less to a national TV audience, but yet, they did, on her talk show.
Sharing our truths is VERY powerful. One’s truth is not necessarily another person’s truth, and that is one of the things that makes truth telling so powerful; it can both divide and unite us.
One of my core beliefs is we are not as strange as we think we are. I think we spend far too much time shaming ourselves and others, filtering our online and in real life personas, and avoiding so called “taboos-” everything from periods, to body hair, to mental health, to sex, money, politics, religion, sexual history, sexual preferences, salaries, digestion, etc.
People are made to feel ashamed of things that are sooo normal or trivial or maybe not normal at all. My point is, “shame” is not a productive or useful emotion in the below examples. I am not endorsing or saying any of the below are right or wrong. It’s just a reflection on how much shame is associated with everyday tasks and everything we say or do:
- clogging a toilet
- expressing a favorable opinion
- expressing an unfavorable opinion
- voting for Trump (*I am not saying this is normal or trivial, but this is also not something that is “so strange” or something that was done by a minority)
- voting for Hillary
- not voting in the presidential election
- having sex
- not having sex
- having body hair
- not having body hair
- removing body hair
- being a certain religion
- not being a certain religion
- being observant of one’s religion
- not being observant of one’s religion
- taking a stand
- not taking a stand
- being single
- being in a relationship
When I saw this Oprah quote today, it reminded me of why I want to create the type of content I create- that is to say, honest, authentic, and genuine- content, in which, I don’t hold much back.
I don’t want to hide or lie or pretend that everything is okay when it’s not or when it doesn’t feel like it is. I want to speak my truth (I feel like a broken record), but for some reason, I feel the need to keep repeating the reasoning behind why I am doing what I am doing, which is, to hopefully help others and to encourage others to be more real with themselves and others instead of hiding behind facades.
What makes this so challenging is that by speaking my truth, I could end up hurting people I love or care about, which has already happened as a result of a few of the blog posts I have written.
That is one of the things about sharing one’s own truth that is challenging. My truth or your truth is not an isolated event or experience. It does not happen in a vacuum; it happens in the world and often involves other people.
So what am I getting at? I don’t know exactly. I have two poor examples of content where I felt an author was being truthful and discussing something intimate that made me feel less alone or strange. The author’s words made me feel more understood. The examples aren’t poor, but the quality of the content is not of the highest variety.
So, this is an article I recently read on Hello Giggles, and what’s embarrassing is I resonated with lots of it and this person broke up with someone they were dating for two years and I was broken up with someone I was dating for a month, so the scenarios and reasons for breaking up are very different, but some of the emotions and ways of processing a break up are similar.
I highlighted lines I could have written in maroon font.
My hope for all of my content is that someone will come across it and read, see, or hear something I created and feel a sense that they are not alone or strange- that what they are feeling so badly about is okay and will pass. As Oprah said as she ended her acceptance speech at the Golden Globes last night “maintain hope for a brighter morning even during our darkest nights.”
I had a lot of feelings and thoughts that didn’t seem to make any sense to me whatsoever.
That’s because the hardest part about breaking up with someone you love is convincing yourself that you need to do it in the first place. Sure, you know this decision is for the best, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be a cinch. In fact, you feel so many different levels of pain that you won’t know which ones to process first.
You feel like a criminal, because it feels like you’re stabbing your best friend and partner in the back after so many years of promises. You feel intense loneliness, because you’re losing one of your closest companions, the one to whom who you texted “good morning” and “good night” every single day. You feel distraught, because you keep being reminded of it all by a song on the radio, or a bench you ate lunch on together, or a little trinket they gave you that you found behind your bed.
And in the midst of all this, you keep getting the intense urge to text them about it, because they were always the one who would wipe away your tears. It’s like reliving the break-up over and over again.
All of this is gut-wrenching, to the point where you feel crippling doubt on top of it all, because how could the right decision possibly make you feel like you want to lay in bed all day with your head under the covers?
It took everything in me to finally realize that it’s totally normal. Sometimes, the right decision is the most difficult. I couldn’t “fix” my feelings. I already fixed what I could simply by ending a broken relationship. It was the best for both of us, even if it didn’t feel like it then. All I could do was let my emotions wash over me and let the healing process start.
And it did. Day by day, I felt better. Thanks to a whole ton of New Girl on Netflix (like, 15 episodes in one night) as well as my friends and my writing, I started to feel like me again.
Listen. I know everyone says not to take drastic hair measures after a break-up, but I totally disagree. I dyed my hair purple afterward, and I felt empowered by it. I started doing totally new things for myself—and only for myself. It reminded me that breaking away from the familiar can be scary, but delving into the unfamiliar can be nothing short of exhilarating.
After a few weeks of pure torture, I did end my relationship with Joe. And though it was the most heart-wrenching thing I’ve ever had to do, I knew it was the right decision.
Breaking up with someone you love is terrible. It’s scary as hell. But it’s necessary in order to move on to a happier stage of life. You are fabulous, and you will be even more fabulous when you come out on top of this even stronger than before.
2. “How To Be A Good Kisser – 10 Tips From Scientific Research” Facebook has me pegged and knows exactly what clickbait to place in front of me at exactly the right time.
Whether any of this article is real or science-based is neither here nor there lol, but the two parts, I resonated with and found to be true, in my experience, were the advice given to women and the advice given to men as the advice was often contradictory or the opposite of the advice given to the other sex, i.e. women were told to be more aggressive with their tongues and use more tongue, and men were told to lay off the tongue a bit and not jam their tongues down a woman’s throat.
- “Open your mouth more. Research shows men prefer “wetter kisses with more tongue action.”
- “Initiate more.”
- “Be more aggressive with your tongue and take an active part in the kiss.”
- “You could probably sum it all up by saying: Stop holding back.”
- “Don’t jam your tongue down her throat. This was women’s most frequent complaint. You’re kissing her, not trying to implant an alien embryo in her stomach.”
- “Women’s favorite spot to be kissed, other than the mouth, is the neck. Ninety-six percent of women reported that they like neck kisses, while only about 10% of men do.”
- “Women also complain that men don’t do enough variations in kissing, that they’re too machine-like or repetitive. Women would like a number of different kisses: the neck, the ears, “liposuction,” which is moving from the upper lip to the lower lip…be creative.”
That’s all for today- Day 48 of 365.