It’s Day 70 of 365, and I feel pretty miserable.
I saw Les Misérables tonight for the first time.
I feel a bit overwhelmed by choices and am trying to be grateful for those choices. Similar to Les Misérables, I feel my life has 5 different plot lines going all at once, and it’s challenging to make sense of them all.
My mood is very up and down. One second, I feel down and hopeless, and a few minutes later, I feel I have my answer and can go confidently in one direction.
As is often the case, I don’t feel like writing or producing content tonight. It’s 12:02am (so technically, it is day 71), which makes me upset and reminds me how poor I am at this whole “self-care” thing, i.e. prioritizing myself and my needs.
I wish I knew what to say and what to do, but in this moment, I do not. I feel very angry right now. I called someone I trust very much today, who maybe I put too much faith in, and what they said to me really upset me. I’m not sure if I’m upset because I disagree with what this person said or if I’m upset because I think this person might be right about an observation they made. The observation had to do with running away from something or running to something else, neither of which I think accurately depict what I was describing, but maybe they do, and maybe I am running away or to something… Like I have alluded to, I’m not really sure.
What I feel pretty certain of is something has to change, and maybe part of that something is my calling others for their thoughts and opinions and how deeply and intensely I allow others’ opinions to weigh on my own opinions and decisions.