Today is day 87 of 365, and I feel like a broken record saying this… but this challenge was not meant as a diary, but … today’s entry will probably read like a diary entry because I don’t feel creatively inspired right now to write a short story or create something new.
I write what I know, and I write to try and fill in the blank spaces and give a fuller picture of the reality of things (for me)- that is to say yesterday’s post read pretty positive and upbeat, but that is not the full picture…
Today, I got up at 6am and around 8am noticed my floor in my apartment was soaking wet in multiple spots with no seeming connection to each other- my closet floor was soaked as were all of my shoes, there was a puddle in my kitchen and one next to my bed. None of the walls or ceiling were wet and the puddles were seemingly unconnected and there was dry floor between them. Last night, I got a bill and they increased my Internet bill by $25. All of these are normal life things, but these things get to me more than usual when I am feeling sad.
I guess the point of today’s post is just to recognize and once again acknowledge the fluid nature of life and impermanence of everything. Feelings change, weather changes, people change, bills fluctuate, stress levels change, and as I have said many times before, one of my goals with this challenge is to bring some of this to light and present more authentically.
I always have more I want to share, and I hold back because it involves stuff I cannot share publicly, which is hard for me to come to terms with.
I will share that last night before I went to bed instead of watching TV, I read a handful of notes I have collected from throughout my life- notes from friends and relatives who shared what they thought of me and how they saw me- all of the notes are very positive and help remind me that often my thinking is very distorted, both my thinking about myself and my thinking of what others think of me.
I also read a speech from Nusrat Durani, the General Manager/SVP of MTV World. I heard him speak at a FindSpark conference and was extremely moved. Afterwards, I asked him if I could get a copy of his speech, and he signed it and handed it to me. His story is very inspiring to me. After having a MBA and two master level degrees, at the age of 35, he took an unpaid internship at MTV. There is a lot more to the story than that, but that part always sticks out to me and shows his humility and dedication and determination to follow his dreams and make them a reality. Here is one excerpt from his speech:
“Dream big and live out loud. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are or what you should be. Don’t do anything simply because you are supposed to. Rather than become like everyone else, accentuate and develop the attributes that differentiate you from the rest. Don’t blend in, stand out. Define your own metrics for success and train yourself early on to overcome fear and rejection.”