I’m Not Who You Think I Am

In ninth grade, I remember riding in the back of the bus with a group of other ninth graders, many of whom had recently joined our class from another school at the beginning of that year. We were sitting in the back of the bus describing our first impressions of each other, and I remember a group of boys saying they thought I was “a partier”…

Cut to me in 6th grade….. where the only thing my Mom could threaten to take away from me was school. I was very dedicated to my studies. My mom would threaten to ground me if I did not stop doing homework. On Friday nights, I’d lock myself in my room to do homework- so basically, your definition of a “party animal.”

It’s interesting to me to learn what others think of me as often it feels so far from the truth or so different from how I see myself.  As someone who prides myself on being authentic, this dissonance is intriguing to me.

Here’s another example: I recently met someone whose first impression of me was someone who was bubbly, energetic, and happy, when as of late, that could not be further from the truth. Granted when this person met me I was very busy and focused on getting what I needed to get done, done, and done well, so I was less in my pity party of despair, and I imagine a bit more upbeat.

Anyways, this person later went on to look at my Instagram and was attracted to the woman in the below picture. A woman I remember, but don’t always recognize.


This is just a reminder to myself and others that our outsides don’t always match our insides. If I had to venture to guess, those boys in ninth grade probably thought I was a partier, because of how I dressed. I dressed provocatively. I usually did not wear my school’s “unofficial” dress code of jeans, Uggs, and a North Face jacket. I stood out. To prom, I wore a red fur shawl that had faux diamonds on it. I wore turquoise high top reeboks, sequins, leopard print, and sometimes high heels. I don’t know why they thought that I was a partier, but I imagine, it was because of the way I looked, but perhaps it was because of the way I carried myself.

Fashion has always been a creative outlet for me. A way to express myself and try on different looks. So, for today, I will continue to rock as many looks as I can.

[Day 97 of 365]

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