So, here I am again. Disappointed again by another man… maybe he is better described as a boy as I’m not sure this person could be considered a man as his actions and behaviors seem very childish to me. He asked me on a date, we had a miscommunication via text, and then I never heard from him again. It may sound dramatic but it’s been almost two days, and of course as I sitting here writing this, he just texted me after about 44 hours later from my last text, but who’s counting? I feel like in this day and age there’s no excuse for taking that long to respond unless you’re dead. I realize people lead busy lives and are not all glued to their phones, but a simple one word response takes less than 5 seconds. So, I am saying boy bye to this boy.
I was very excited to have a date with this person because we always seem to get along and have good conversations.
I’m upset for a few reasons:
- We had texted to have a date. Our initial date got cancelled due to weather. Then, he texted me “should we reschedule for next week or pretend this never happened?” I responded “what do you mean by pretend this never happened?” to which he responded he was joking, but I don’t get the joke. I was really hurt because I was really excited for the date and then felt like he didn’t really want the date to happen. I think I also was a victim to my very vivid imagination and fantasy life, where I imagined this person to be something he was not, which is to say different than other men I have dated, i.e. thoughtful, inquisitive, and not afraid to confront things that might be uncomfortable at first.
- When I decided to let that go, my being hurt by his insensitive joke, and responded “let’s do it” he never responded. When he finally responded, he said “perfect” with no regard for how long it took him to respond. Now I realize it took me 24 hours to respond to his text about us going on a date and that is because I was upset. I was upset about the joke he made. Writing all of this, I’m thinking I should have been upfront with him and told him the joke hurt my feelings and made me feel like he didn’t want to go out with me.
- Additionally, I heard a story about him and another girl he dated where instead of driving or walking her to a party late at night, he made her walk by herself. I know this because one of my friend’s went to pick her up so she would not have to walk alone at night. That really upset me at the time and still upsets me because it makes me feel like he doesn’t respect the women he dates enough to care about their safety and wellbeing. It’s sad we live in a world where it’s unsafe for a woman to walk alone at night, but I don’t think this person didn’t offer to walk her to respect women’s rights or make her feel like a strong independent woman, I suspect he was tired or didn’t feel like going to the party with her.
What’s upsetting about all of this is, this is just my perspective. I don’t know his and am curious to know what he thinks. In my experience, sometimes the perspective of men and women are polar opposites. From his perspective, I imagine he has no idea any of this occurred. He might know his joke upset me because I said I didn’t find it funny and took 24 hours to respond to him when he said he wanted to go on a date, but I don’t know why it took him so long to respond and if that was intentional or lazy.
I’ll leave you with the below story as I have a feeling this is similar to what happened in my case:
Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward… I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking:… so that means it was… let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means… lemme check the odometer… Whoa! I am way over due for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my school girl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…
“Roger,” Elaine says aloud.
“What?” says Roger, startled.
“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have… Oh God, I feel so…” (She breaks down, sobbing.)
“What?” says Roger.
“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” says Roger.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.
“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
“It’s just that… It’s that I… I need some time,” Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
“Yes,” he says.
A BEFUDDLED BEAU
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
“Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.
“What way?” says Roger.
“That way about time,” says Elaine.
“Oh,” says Roger. “Yes.”
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last, she speaks.)
“Thank you, Roger,” she says.
“Thank you,” says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.
Source of story: https://www.unige.ch/~gander/california/relation.html